I thought about dropping in on the Canada Day Action Shooting League 3-Gun shoot. The previous few weeks, my two sick daughters were showing some good signs of improvement… until Saturday, and this happened to my 3 year old daughter (all over her body):
I thought at first she ahad eaten something at our church cafe, but in hindsight, I think it was actually a Herxheimer reaction to an anti-Candida regimen we are trying with her.
I’ve always (and still do) treat shooting as an activity to develop and maintain the mental fortitude I developed from my time in the Canadian Forces. In a sense, to be prepared mentally for the end of the world as we know it (even if it never happens).
The importance of developing that mindset is to know that you won’t be darkened by tragedy. To not take for granted the good times by fully acknowledging things can get a hell of a lot worse and being ready to for it.
That is why shooting has been so important to me. It is the ultimate character preparation (mastery of lethal force) for the ultimate tragedy (the need of such force).
When I’m behind the gun, I can calm my nerves and even though I can perceive the stress of missing my target, I can enter a state where I can mentally block all doubts, fears, even my own physical discomfort to take a shot.
When I train on the range, I’m train myself to enter into that state where my mind is practically invincible to everything and a state of extreme (and intense) focus on hitting my target.
I’m sure anyone who has spent any serious amount of time on the range can relate.
When I see my daughters’ flesh literally melt off their bodies, I feel the exact opposite. I struggle to maintain my focus and mental discipline. I am overwhelmed with doubt, fear, and anger.
It’s quite humbling, to be honest.
I’m pretty proficient with guns and pretty handy in the field. I think were I to re-join the Canadian Forces or contract as a PMC, I am confident I could become a fierce warrior.
But seeing my 3 and 1 year old’s suffering a kind of agony I can’t even comprehend, I feel feeble and helpless. At the worst of times, I just want to curl up in a ball and let the world come to an end.
But that’s not helpful and I want to help.
In a way, I am living TEOTW as I knew it. In the world I knew, my kids were healthy, growing up normally, and it was sustainable for me to hit the range for a day, shoot some 3-Gun stages and come home to a house that was in order and no worse for my absence.
But that world has ended.
If I leave for a day, all hell breaks loose at home and that is not good. Worse, in coping with that chaos, I’m in such a state of mind afterwards where I’m no help to my family or to anyone else for that matter.
I didn’t end up going to the ASL shoot (I’m not sure if it actually went ahead or not – with the rain). I went to The Shooting Edge and shot some drills.
I had an interesting conversation with the shift supervisor about my kids health and that’s what spurred me to write this. Something I want to write more about in the future, documenting my progression through trying to heal my daughters.
As the title suggests, I am highly confident GMO’s play a large role in my daughters’ illness.
That’s something I’ll get into in another article.